It isn’t quite up there with introducing a billionaire from Motherwell to their Army of Readers in November 2011 but the Daily Record are seriously at it with their Jose Cifuentes story over a deal with Aris Thessaloniki.
According the their sources in Greece the loan deal comes with an obligation to buy the midfield flop for £4.2m next summer. That will be £4.1m more than ARIS spent last season on 25 players!
A loan fee of 100,000 euros brought in Shapi Suleymanov from Russian side Krasnodar with the other 24 arrivals all coming in as free agents.
It is a decent achievement by the Ibrox recruitment team to find a club to pay some of Cifuentes wages for the season ahead, for the Record to inform their Army of Readers that £4.2m is on it’s way to the transfer war-chest simply underlines the Record’s parody status as they dress up stories that would make the North Korean News Agency blush.
ARIS won’t be spending £4.2m on their entire squad this summer, next summer or any summer. Cifuentes will never command anything other than an undisclosed fee after having a four year contract put in front of him during the hilarious 10 months that Micky Beale was in charge at Ibrox.
The Brains Behind Gerrard spent most of last summer tracking and talking up Cifuentes before agreeing a fee of £1m with a few months left to run on his Los Angeles deal, no other clubs were interested.
Clement quickly dispatched the midfielder to Brazil but that year long deal has been cut short with a Return to Sender note attached.
Those Greek sources really need to be checked out, normally on transfer matters a quick check on Transfermarkt provides a nudge in the right direction.
That website does create some fanciful notional transfer values but on factual matters they are reliable. ARIS are a sort of Greek St Mirren or Motherwell, every season their squad is largely made up of free transfers backed up by a few players that have come through from their Academy.
Signing 25 players is excesive but highlights the market that they operate in, checking out sites like Transfermarkt and dealing with agents who are picking up a token commission as they trade in player who are constantly on the move.
That throwaway paragraph by the Record will come as no surprise to Internet Bampots, well aware of the desperate measures between the Glasgow publisher and the newest football club in the city. Some might describe it as a suicide pact.
James Traynor introduced succulent lamb to the menu for over 600,000 buyers in 1998 as he drooled over the dining skills of Dave Murray.
That bromance was in full flow after the summer spending spree that indulged Dick Advocaat with the chubby Dutchman dubbed The Little General and tipped for moves to Manchester United and Arsenal.
For more than a decade the Record would publish anything to reassure their Army of Readers of the greatness of the club with the 120,000 capacity futuristic Ibrox with hover pitch, super casino, six star hotel with helipads an effort that will take some beating.
This summer there is an incredible drive at Ibrox to reduce costs as they pay the price for backing and sacking Beale and Giovanni van Bronckhorst.
The initial plan to sell highly paid losers hasn’t brought any interest, now they are past plan B and onto C as they pay off players like Sam Lammers and Connor Goldson to move on for undisclosed fees with substantial add-ons.
Todd Cantwell’s agent gave the game away when he was caught out sending his client’s CV to randoms on Instagram, to the surprise of no-one there hasn’t been any follow up interest on the former Norwich starlet.
Cyriel Dessers was in advanced talks over a £4m move to PAOK on June 14, next Saturday the 29-year-old striker will almost certainly be leading the line for the Clement Revolution! as they start their SPFL campaign.
Every day the Record will be delivering feel-good stories to their declining Army of Readers, meanwhile there is no sign that Ibrox will open for business again this year but no publisher wants to scare off any more of the 48,869 people that were buying the Record during June.
CLICK HERE for the many faces of James Succulent Traynor.
CLICK HERE for Ibrox closure announcement.
2 Comments
by Charlinick
I must say I was sceptical about your site to begin with as the amount of articles you published daily screamed click bait but I was wrong, I click on most of your articles as they certainly appeal to Celtic fans and your knowledge and memories of all things Celtic.
You also appeal by keeping us up to date with sevco and the hilarious banter years we’ve been enjoying, especially for Tims who experienced the murray years. Finally I also like that I can scroll down to further articles after reading one without having to click for each article. Please keep up the good work and enjoy our season, paul
Editor: Cheers, things are looked at a bit deeper on 365, it is gaining a little attention. The aim is to make it as user friendly as possible.
Comments add so much to the content, keep them coming and spread the word, this site is fully independent, every item, word and picture is my choice. HH
by Jim bhoy
As a Celtic fan of vintage years I had to suffer the early sixties when we lost cup final replays regularly! Indeed appart from the odd victory against rangers and glasgow cup wins(my first trophy success)I had little to cheer until the arrival of big Jock and since then have been privalidged to to witness all eight trebbles, so let us enjoy these times we revel in.H.H.